The True Self in times of COVID: A State of Being in Peril

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I’ve written before about the True Self. It’s something I come across in many works– spiritual, self-help, even books on sports psychology. Being in this flow of the True Self feels great, like a heavy burden has been lifted. I think our daily lives in this modern time (before COVID) make it very difficult to go into this state, but it is achievable if approached with great intentionality. (Side note: There is no “false self”, there’s only a shadow of the True Self. But when you view things from a lens of True Self and see lying, deception, manipulation, and selfishness it becomes easy to think that a “false self” is a real thing. I think HBO’s Succession should be subtitled How To Be The False Self.)

Today, I believe the biggest obstacle to achieving this state are the limitations required of us due to the COVID pandemic. Wherever you lie on the spectrum on caution during this time, it’s impossible to go about your life with the choices you had, say, a year ago. You can’t gather with friends, except with very careful precautions. You can’t strike up a conversation with a stranger on the street and shake his or her hand. You can’t even take a walk without being cognizant of physical distance and face masks. I heard someone on a podcast say something to the effect of, “I’ve never been so afraid of the word ‘droplet’ in my entire life.”

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Love in the time of COVID

Photo by James Emery, creative commons licensing

I am grateful for my cancer. Cancer has taught me to focus on the moment. No matter what happens to me, nothing can take away the moments I’ve lived in. It is impossible to fully take in a moment without love. Without love there is no inner peace, there is no stillness. Can you imagine fully appreciating a hot shower, a quiet walk, or looking out at the stars without love? 

I’ve read that 99.9% of our universe is composed of empty space. But I don’t think so. I think it’s composed of love. It’s hidden in plain sight, right in front of us, waiting to be taken in. 

Yes, there is also great suffering. But suffering can show us how love unfolds. It can show us the infinite dimensions of love.I don’t know why we need suffering to really see it, but we do. Suffering forces us to focus of the moment with sharp resolve.

There was once a man who was running in through the jungle, chased by a hungry tiger. After breaking through a clearing, he came to the edge of a cliff. The long fall into the river below would be fatal. The tiger forced the man to stumble and fall but he grabbed onto the edge of the cliff with his hands. The tiger was relentless and started for the man’s hands. The man saw a branch growing from the face of the cliff just below him and he managed to grab onto the branch with his hands. Dangling from the branch, the man saw a plump strawberry had sprouted out of some greenery on the branch. Hanging on to the branch, he reached out and grabbed the strawberry and popped it into his mouth. “This strawberry tastes delicious,” he said.

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Life Post Cancer Treatment and Life During COVID

I remember the first moment we decided that we were going to shutter-in because of COVID. It was March 13th and I ran some errands. I was at Publix and I felt like I knew a secret no one else did– I loaded up on food and milk to get us through what I hoped would be a couple weeks (it wasn’t). It was a Friday so it was easy to slide into a typical weekend routine and just tell the kids we were eating at home and not going out for meals. 

Then we woke up on Saturday and it’s been the same day ever since. No work to go to, no school for the kids. 

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